I know I haven't been updating this space in a long while, but the habit of writing has never really gone away, I've only taken a step back to write in a more private space. But I feel that coming to 29, I want to write an accountability/ reminder piece to myself and also putting it out here makes it a little bit more official.

A lot has happened during the "Covid days", which until very recently, we could not say those days are behind us. Covid is the war of our generation, and granted, there may not only be one per generation. Our mortality and life as we know it, could change quietly yet drastically in a matter of weeks and months. I feel that acutely, and my outlook on life may have shifted a little here and there.

I can't help but feel that living life exactly the way you (yourself) wants to live, cannot be more important. Instead of saying YOLO with a burst of youthful zest, but you truly only have one life - this realization hits like a wave of blue cheese in the year of 29. 

It used to come in the form of foregone ambitions.

If I don't become an air stewardess by age 24, I probably will never become one.

If I don't get back into dance, my bones will break the next time I attempt a split.

If I don't ever get into business & finance, I will lose my dream of becoming an investment banker.

And then it manifested in realizations of youth speeding past me and these thoughts sneak up:

Don't keep digging into old moisturizers and saving new beauty products for that "special day". Well, what if you die before that special day comes?

If you want to go crazy with your hair colour, just do it.

 Treat yourself better, eat whatever the hell you want rather than eating the cheapest item on the menu.

And most crucially: Stop living your life based on other people's expectations.

The importance of which cannot be stressed more. Can you imagine living a life that other people wants you to live, and you look back and you feel - fuck man, that's not a life I would have wanted. That's the number 1 thing that I would hate to feel. Letting down yourself, letting down the people who wished that you'll have nothing but happiness. Because happiness is defined by yourself. Happiness - it's like drinking water - the warmth or coldness of the water, only you know it best.

There are way too many case studies around me by now that I know what I want and what I don't want. Happiness - there can be present happiness and future happiness. You may work for one or the other, but if neither is guaranteed, then GTFO of there! Again, you only live one life. So many people live their lives as if it's a video game and you can be revived endless number of times. Well, we never know, perhaps reincarnation exists and we could live another life again in another shell.

But till then. Treat yourself better and carpe diem! ♡